Costa Rica in the Rainy Season

Do you know what happens when you go to Costa Rica in the Rainy Season, and you travel with the same group of white people and you're the only Latina who looks golden brown and also speaks passable Spanish?

You're mistaken for the tour guide. A lot.

Not that I wouldn't be an awesome tour guide. I'm quippy and not afraid to get dirty and I don't mind riding in the front of the bus or translating a lot.And I'd probably get paid better. And I'd be getting commission anyway because, I'll be telling anyone anyways that Costa Rica? Is awesome. I live and die by the guide book. And before the trip I put together a binder with our flight itineraries and our agendas and helpful information about each area. Yes, I'm a nerd. But don't you wish you had someone like me on your trip? Our trip was booked through Latinexplore.com, and they were awesome. Picked us up right at the airport, handed us a detailed itinerary and made sure we were taken care of every leg of the journey. We had shuttles everywhere, which was a good thing because people drive like maniacs in San Jose.

Ethnocentric, you say? We were at a stop light and saw a car rear end a taxi right next to us. Yeah.

No one batted an eye.

Adventure 1: San Jose and Whitewater Rafting
Our trip began on the outskirts of San Jose, where we were to spend the night before being picked up to head to our white water rafting adventure. Being of the determined sort, I decided we needed to see the country's capital before we left, so we hopped in a taxi and headed in to San Jose. Right before this happened, I decided to douse myself in bug repellent. Did you know I'm allergic to bug repellent? Particularly, this stuff called 'Deet' in the bug repellent? Yeah I didn't either.

I found out soon enough when my skin began burning in the taxi and I was scratching myself quite improperly around my boobs and my back and my arms. What began as itchy morphed into feeling like I was being flayed alive. Did we come prepared with anti-allergic stuff? Of course!

Did we leave it at the hotel room? Of course we did!

Our trip to the gold museum was detoured to a trip to a Costa Rican pharmacy. No, we didn't take pictures. Still, the Gold Museum was interesting enough. When we headed out, we were greeted by a heavy torrent of rain. Because, you know, it's the rainy season.
Fear not! You think, we knew this, so of course we packed ponchos and the hotel hands out umbrellas, right?Of course! Except we left the ponchos in the hotel room with the allergy medicine and we neglected to bring an umbrella. Five blocks later, we managed to buy an umbrella from an entrepreneurial guy who sold it to us for 4 bucks, and landed drenched to 'Nuestra Tierra', a Costa Rican tourist trap that was recommended to us by the taxi driver.

We paid 60 bucks for mediocre chicken, steak and beans and rice.

The next morning, we were loaded in a bus and driven out of San Jose to an outdoor adventures company that does white water rafting. We were told all about the Paquares river, with class III and IV rapids and amazing waterfalls and canyons! It was going to be amazing!

Then we were told, yeah, we're not doing that one. It's too high and we're doing the Carmen instead, the baby river with class II and III rapids and a lot of mud.The majority of our time was spent laughing with the guides and splashing other boats. Not quite the adrenaline rush I was looking for.

Oh well.

From there it was a two and a half hour bus ride to La Fortuna.

Adventure 2: Arenal Volcano and the Tabacon Hot Springs

Rural Costa Rica is absolutely breathtaking; a tangle of jungle and cows and rivers, with an occasional town dotted in between. We were staying in tiny La Fortuna, mostly a tourist town thanks to the Arenal Volcano that looms over it.

Here, after a nature hike where we saw leafcutter ants in action, we headed to the Tabacan hot springs, where water heated by the volcano is gathered in 18 different pools that you can wander around and steam in before heading to the cooler pool to cool off.

It was decadent, and I wanted more time there.

Also, there was a water slide.

The next day, there was a shuttle to the manmade lake of Arenal, and a boat ride across it, where I was mistaken for the tour guide. Then a van picked us up on the other side of the lake and a two hour drive up a gravel, rickety road to the Monteverde Cloud Forest Preserve, where we are up so high we're literally blanketed by condensation.

Adventure 3: Monteverde and the lack of hot water
At first, we were in love with our little cabin. Then we discovered that we had either scalding hot water or frigid cold water for a shower, and no in between.

We were less in love.
But we did get picked up for our SkyTrek and Canopy adventure, where we got strapped into rigs, put into the little cars that ride on long lines (like at Disneyland) and taken into the jungle, where we then zipped across wilderness and canyons, high above the landscape, being tossed and battered by the wind and the rain.

On the shuttle ride back, we were dropped off at the Frog Pond, where we got a guided tour of all the native frogs of Costa Rica. Think it's silly? It was awesome.

Less awesome? Trying to take a shower after all that.

Adventure 4: Tamarindo surfing and puffer fishies
Our shuttle drive to the beach involved a two hour drive down that gravel road, which seemed bumpier and gravelier than ever. But four hours later, we had arrived in Tamarindo, at our beach resort.

We had three days here, and so there was time for lots of adventures and misadventures. This involved surfing (and a bruised knee), atv driving (through rivers! My socks turned brown), horseback riding in the rain (our camera broke), and snorkeling on a sunset cruise (remember the rainy season? There was no sunset).

And guess what? Our hot water fled us again.

Adventure 5: Trying to find the Coffee Farm


After the third day, we got picked up bright an early by a shuttle driver who promised to take us back to San Jose, to a coffee farm. The problem? He didn't quite know where it was.

There was a lot of driving on gravel roads (a habit in Costa Rica), before we landed as the place that farms coffee for 'Tres Generaciones' coffee.

We learned about coffee. It was interesting. Seriously.

Then we got to buy some coffee, went into a butteryfly garden, and were taken to our four star business hotel for the night.
We had hot water. I almost cried.

I got home on Sunday exhausted. Flopping on my bed, too tired to sleep, I turned on my television and took a look at my tivo to see what I had missed.

Saved on the DVR? The Southpark Episode that dealt with the kids joining 'Getting Gay with Kids' and getting lost in the Costa Rican rain forest.



I laughed my ass off.

Health Food Fail

I'm going on vacation to Costa Rica in about two weeks. This is meant to be awesome, and I know I'm going to have an awesome time, because my itinerary demands it. It goes like this: river rafting, AWESOME, volcano gazing, AWESOME, sky canopy, AWESOME, sea kayaking, AWESOME.

See? There's a whole lot of awesome.
Except the way I look in a swim suit? Not awesome. Which isn't to say I look BAD in a swimsuit, but ... yeah. Anyway, after a year or so of working out semi-regularly (which usually begins with me waking up at 5AM going 'YEAH WORKING OUT' and ending the week staring blearingly at the alarm clock saying 'oh who am I kidding' and rolling over again) I'm finally to the point where I get the 'OMG Eliza Dushku Lookalike' observations. Which I have to admit, I'm vain enough to really, really enjoy. Because, it's Eliza Dushku. Who would have a problem being told they look like her? I mean, seriously? Do I look like her? Hell no. But still. Nice.
So yeah, I still want my toned biceps and I still want to wear a two piece and not cringe, so I'm trying hard to eat right and I'm failing miserably.

You see, I do okay when I'm at the store. I pretend to be all knowledgeable and I do a lot of looking at the nutritional food labels going 'hmm' and widening my eyes in horror at the sugar content and then I do the right thing and pick the sugar free candy ...

And then I get to the breakfast cereal aisle. I go for the 'Honey Bunches of Oats with Pecans', and I'm doing well, and then I turn around and I see it: Captain Crunch 'Oops! All Berries'.

My self control crumbles into rubble.
But bright side? I'm eating Captain Crunch's 'Oops! All Berries' cereal and I do not regret it at all.

Yum.

I had salmon for dinner. Does that make up for it?

Glee Tour 2010

Um... it was awesome. Like, really, really awesome.

Okay, quick points:

1. The opening act was Harry Shum's team 'The League of Extraordinary Dancers' and they were... well... extraordinary. I didn't expect Harry to get a solo but he did, where he gets 'magic shoes' and they basically make him go crazy, dancing to whatever music comes on. He was amazing. As were the other dancers. Really captivating stuff.

2. Lea Michelle was clearly losing her voice, probably from the strain of the tour. She went flat a couple times, but that didn't stop her from belting out 'Don't Rain On My Parade' and doing a really touching 'Defying Gravity' with Chris Colfer.

3. Heather Morris stole the show. When she wasn't in the group numbers, she was doing double duty with Harry Shum as the featured back up dancer, and she was absolutely MESMERIZING during Bust Your Windows. And they trotted her out twice between set changes to put on a 'brittany' act for the audience, which were absolutely hilarious. Especially one where she announces to the audience that she's made out with all the stage hands and is in love with Kurt because he gave her a facial. - Bust Your Windows - featuring Heather Morris being FIERCE.

4. Naya Rivera has PIPES.
She's also absolutely gorgeous, but I was REALLY impressed with her voice. When they don't autotune the shit out of her, she's just amazing to watch. - The Boy Is Mine

And then of course... there's Bad Romance:




5. They kept Kevin in the wheelchair. At first I thought that was weird, but then I noticed SO many people in wheelchairs there and I realized why. He's an inspiration to them.

6. Everyone but Dianna seemed to get some sort of solo (either dance for the 'dancers' or otherwise), which was a little disappointing, but she's effing adorable in Bad Romance.

7. It was a really impressive show. No intermission (except for the break between the LXD and the Glee group), and just non-stop fun. Vocal Adrenaline was just plain fun to watch.

8. Cheerios came out into the audience per Sue Sylvester's instructions to pass out Barf Bags. It was hilarious.

The Media Stuff

High quality pictures at LeaMicheleWeb.org

My flickr Album: here

Youtube videos (not mine): here | here

Red Dead Redemption

This is just evil, Rockstar.

I mean, it's not enough that you had to go and release the completely awesome Red Dead: Redemption, with it's open world play and strong narratives and nearly limitless possibilities, but you had to go and make online multi-player FANTASTIC? And you do this so all my friends by it on PS3 and I'm left alone with my XBOX 360 and no friends?

How rude!

In Which Real Life Came About & Swallowed Me Whole...

This past month I've celebrated my one-year anniversary, (the steakhouse we went to gave you a free box made of cotton candy. COTTON CANDY. WIN.), grilled a ton of meat for my family's annual Mother's Day grill-a-thon (meat is expensive, yo. And tasty.), had a mini-scare that involved my Dad being put in the hospital (he's fine now, thank God), and yet the thing that may have been the most taxing was babysitting a baby.

We were tag-teaming it, and as we sat in front of the parents, little toddler Lucia was eyeing us up and down with a look of quiet disdain. "Don't worry," said the Mommy. "She's not like those other kids who make a fuss about sleeping. You just give her her bottle and she'll ask to be put to bed."

LIES.

The lying parents lied with the LIES.

Not only did the kid refuse to be put to sleep, she insisted on being carried (apparently I exude some sort of maternal instinct, because she LATCHED on to me), and anytime a bottle came near her she sobbed like we were torturing her and pushed it away.

Finally we reverted into some sort of Mom & Pop cliche with Laura insisting I just put the kid in the cradle and let her cry herself to sleep, and me being a complete marshmallow and begging to give her five more minutes to come to terms with the idea. Finally, sheer exhaustion won out when the baby's eyes were closing even as she was refusing to come near the crib, and she cried about a minute before zonking out.

Kids, man. They don't scare me because I helped raise my gajillion cousins and foster cousins and I know kids, but I'm still constantly surprised when people ask me why I'm in no hurry to have kids of my own when I'm so obviously great with them.

Me: ... have you MET a kid? Have you taken care of one for more than an hour? Do that. Then ask me again.

This is not to say anything against the amazing people who actually HAVE kids, because honestly, I think parenthood is one of the most underrated and rewarding occupations one can have.

Seriously.

But I can't even take care of my fishtank.

Watching Forensic Files can be such a downer (AKA leave no chick behind)

I'm obsessed with TrueCrime shows, and one of the very best is Forensic Files. I'm both fascinated by the genius of forensics investigators and repulsed by the sheer ambivalence of some of these criminals who will kill for the most random motivations.

There was the guy who had raped his 3 month old daughter, and was sentenced to jail, but because he did not want to go to jail as a child molester, snuck into a random house, waiting for the family to return home, and killed the woman as she entered, because he wanted to go to jail as a murderer instead.

There was the one of the cheating husband who did not want to deal with divorcing his wife, so instead he tried to poison her with cyanide at home, and when that didn't work, he snuck into her office and poisoned the entire water cooler. A random office worker was the first to drink from the water cooler, and died from the poisoning.

All of them are senseless murders, deaths, but the one that really left me cold was an episode that aired last night, which featured the murder of a divorced Navajo mother of five, who was going back to school to become a nurse. She went out with her friends for a night of drinking, and when her two lady friends met two gentlemen, they ditched her to go with them, ignoring the entire time that she had absolutely no means of getting back home. Distraught and alone, the woman was last seen at a payphone, crying, before her body was discovered in the desert.

That's right. This poor woman, who has 5 kids, and is putting herself through school to make her life better for her kids, goes out for a night of fun with her girlfriends, and they outright DITCH her, even as she's begging and pleading with them not to leave her because she has no ride home, in the middle of the night.

She's then so desperate for a ride home, she accepts a ride from a stranger, who takes her to the desert, tries to rape her, and then stabs and bludgeoned her to death.

All because her stupid girlfriends couldn't take an extra five minutes to figure out how to get her a ride home.

What.The.Hell.

This pissed me off SO much. Because seriously, ladies: Chicks Before Dicks. You do NOT leave a friend stranded just to get laid. And they BOTH did it. And now she's dead, and her children are orphaned, and she died in one of most horrific ways imaginable. It's just... augh.

It's just so senseless and incomprehensible and I really want to track those women down and smack the crap out of them.

The investigators found the murderers, by the way. Through some damn fine police work and a complete stroke of luck.

But those women make want to pull my hair out. Chicks Before Dicks, ladies. It's like... sorority code. Follow it! A single mother of five's life might be saved because of it.

Glee Says 'Hell-O'

So after nearly four months in hiatus, Glee returns with the second half of the first season. What was a little show that could by Ryan Murphy has turned into (I know, you've already heard it) a phenomenon, complete with White House appearances and a tour.

Yes, I know, Glee is in danger of over-saturation before it even premieres the second half of it's first season, but I'm still excited about it, even with its imperfect, rushed storylines and undeniable charm.

That's right, I don't think Glee is perfect. But I adore it anyway. Most of this probably has a lot to do with the fantastically arranged song and dance numbers, and Lea Michelle, who plays the diva-tastic Rachel Berry with so much heart and soul she makes you bleed.

If you feel like taking a look at the insanity of Glee, this fan-made video to Fall Out Boy's, "This Ain't a Scene..." illustrates it perfectly:



Want more?

Watch a preview of one of the back 9's musical numbers at Broadway World. And if you are a little behind, you can catch some snarky video recaps of the first thirteen seasons here.