Wednesday, November 14, 2007

EW Names It's Favorite Bad Movies

Entertainment Weekly put out a list of their favorite bad movies of all time.

I have to admit - as much as I like to think I'm cerebral about my movies, I'm much more likely to see bad movies than good ones, and I'm much more likely to laugh. Give me a funny dumb movie over an intense one poised to make me 'think' anyday. Because, quite frankly? I go to the movies to escape and while once in a while I do like to see movies that are relavant, I'd rather not leave completely depressed.

So, in honor of EW's Bad Movies, I'm presenting my own top ten.

Please forgive me. I actually OWN all of these movies.

10. Spiceworld - youtube clip

Okay, I know. This movie is terrible. It's horrible. There is not one redeeming bit of it at all. It's a rehash of better films and so badly acted it's a wonder so many actual actors actually partook.

But it's the Spice Girls! And Posh drives a bus!

Say what you will about the girls - they knew how to make fun of themselves, and this movie proves they were in on the joke.

Though sorry, girls, even that's not even enough to make me pay a ticket to see you live. I will watch your video, though. Cause... have you seen Geri's abs?!

Memorable Quote: Okay, girls, that was absolutely perfect without... really being any good at all.

9. Dodgeball - youtube clip

I'm a sucker for a good sports movie, and Dodgeball made fun of them all. It had every cliche - the underdogs (otherwise known as the Average Joe), the rich jerks who were real athletes and could beat them to death, the sexually ambiguous hot girl-next-door who miraculously great at the sport, and yet despite the fact that it was all done before, it was fun.

Also of note - it made me seriously considering joining a Dodgeball league.

Then of course I came to my senses.

Memorable Quote:
White Goodman: We should mate.
Kate Veatch: What?
White Goodman: Date! We should date some time. Socially. Go out and kick it.
[Kate retches, then forces it down]
White Goodman: Are you okay?
Kate Veatch: I'm fine. I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.
White Goodman: In some cultures, they only eat vomit. I never been there, but I read about it... *in a book*.

8. Romy & Michelle's High School Reunion - youtube clip

Okay, I figured it out. I know why I like this movie. I'm a sucker for the ignorant hero. This movie, with all it's dumb plots, has at heart two characters who really, genuinely care about each other, and it carries through the movie.

Plus, it's got the best threeway dance to 'Time After Time' ever.

And no one does bitter bitch better than Janeane Garafaolo.

Memorable Quote:
Michele: Sandy Frink has a helicopter?
Romy: Yeah, apparently he's worth millions. He invented some kind of rubber.
Michele: Like for condoms?!

7. Underworld - youtube clip

This movie was bad. I'll admit it. I watched it in the theatre admidst a crowd of people who basically laughed in all the wrong places. It's cliche. It's silly. The ending was stupid (though if you want an awesome alternate, go here)

But it's just so pretty! Kate Beckinsale runs around in leather, and someone just decided that they need to keep Scott Speedman wet... all the time.

I'm so with that decision.

Also - the action scenes are beautifully filmed. Again - just pretty. Even with the blood.

Memorable Quote:

Whether you like it or not, you're in the middle of a war that has been raging for the better part of a thousand years. A blood feud between vampires and lycans. Werewolves.

6. A Night At the Roxbury - youtube clip

It's one note. It's stupid. It'd idiotic.

Me and my sisters quote it repeateadly.

I have no excuse.

Memorable Quote:
Doug Butabi: You can take away our phones and you can take away our keys, but you can NOT take away our dreams.
Steve Butabi: Yeah, because we're, like, sleeping when we have them.

5. It's In the Water - youtube clip

There are ten thousand bad lesbian movies out there, and some of them are just... well... bad.
Directors do what they can, but very rarely can you rise above a bad storyline or a bad performance. It's in the Water is an exception. Cliche Dialogue? Check. Bad Acting? Check. Bad Hair and Eighties Clothes? Check-Check.

And still... there's something sweet in this story about a married debutante who falls in love with another woman in the midst of a prejudice struck town that believes the ridiculous notion that you can catch the 'gay cooties' by drinking the water.

Memorable Quote:
Alex: Grace, I want to kiss you.
Grace: Alex, don't do this.
Alex: Why?
Grace: Because you're going to like it.

4. Scary Movie 3 - youtube clip

I can't say I was a fan of Scary Movie 1 or Scary Movie 2, mostly because as much as I like funny, I don't like GROSS humor (There's Something About Mary is my exception). That said, I love the Naked Gun movies, and when those guys took over Scary Movie, they made my favorite film in that franchise.

I think what cracks me up the most is that 8Mile is spoofed, which somehow then qualifies it as a 'horror' film.

Memorable Quote:
[re: the killer video]
Cindy: And it's been circulating and killing ever since.
The Architect: Just like Pootie Tang.

3. Zoolander - youtube clip

He's ridiculously good-looking. There's a walk-off. Break-dance Fighting.

I literally cheer when David Bowie comes on screen.

Come on. You gotta love it.

Memorable Quote: Oh, I'm sorry, did my pin get in the way of your ass? Do me a favor and lose five pounds immediately or get out of my building like now!

2. Big Trouble In Little China - youtube clip

Dude, come on. Kurt Russell - in China? Being a lovable moron and and a regular Joe dealing with the supernatural crap that comes flying at him? This is a classic.

It was a toss-up between this one and Tango and Cash. Big Trouble won.

Memorable Quote: Oh my GOD, what is that?! No, don't tell me!

1. Showgirls - youtube clip

This movie is horrible. Gina Gershon is the only one campy enough to make it worth while, and even then you can't sit through this movie and watch it with a straight faced.

My suggestion? Watch it with the commentary, which is nothing more than a snarky guy making fun of the entire thing.

It becomes timeless.

Memorable Quote:
Cristal Connors: Molly, this top is way too tight. My breasts are just getting crushed in here.
Molly Abrams: I can loosen it for you.
Cristal Connors: Okay... To about here... Maybe... No, no a little less. I want my nipples to press, but I don't want them to look like they're levitatin'!

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