Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Vegas, baby!

In true Los Angeles Resident fashion, when faced with the prospect of a long weekend, thoughts immediately turned to Las Vegas. I'm not a gambler (love Texas Hold 'Em, but Slots bore me to tears), but Vegas has some awesome attractions if you know where to look. Thanks to a nice tax refund, it was a weekend in which I could splurge, just a little, and so with some planning, we got a decent price for the Hilton, two reservations at BOA Las Vegas and the Eiffel Tower Restaurant, tickets for Cirque de Soleil's pornesqe Zumanity, and reservations for horseback riding in the canyons outside of Las Vegas.

Despite the fact that I'm way over weight and I should be following a strict diet to get back into shape in time for my fearless comeback for the third season of American Gladiators (in which my sole purpose will be to get rocked on Joust by Crush and thus fulfill the fantasy of nearly every male/woman who watches that show), this weekend I have given myself a bye. And with good reason. The food? was awesome.

But first things first. Taking off at 7AM on Saturday morning was a well-intentioned bid to get away from traffic, and unfortunately for us, it worked a little too well. We landed at the state line a good three hours before we could check into the hotel. So to kill time we stopped at my favorite on the way destination: Buffalo Bill Casino, a wild west themed casino which is part of a trio clustered on the state line that features, among other things, an awesome buffet, a roller coaster, and a huge outlet fashion mall. We got our buffet on and then I was let loose in the Coach outlet where we arrived in time for their big president's day sale (thank you, Mr. Lincoln).

I got way more giddy than I thought I'd be, but all seemed to work well, for I got a wristlet for 15 bucks and a brand new wallet for 60, down from 200.

Giddiness aside, we went on our way to Vegas, and were able to check into the Hilton, where it occured to me that I actually was feeding Paris Hilton and her backyard breeding tendencies. After forcing that panic attack aside, there was time to settle in and take a nap before heading over to the BOA steakhouse at Cesear's Palace on the strip. We were at the Hilton, maybe two or three blocks away. It took us an hour to get there and find the parking lot. Vegas doesn't fool around, bitches.

Once we got there, however, we were seated after about a fifteen minute wait, and were treated to quite a view.

Pretty damned gorgeous (thanks Sam, for the picture).

Then it was time to sit down and eat food off our pricey menues. But first? Cocktails. I had a Goldsmith, which was an effortlessly smooth infusion of apples, cinamen, vodka, bourban, nutmeg, and pineapple juice. Just... yum.

Appetizers! In which I had three jumbo prawns that sadly... were just that. Big ass Shrimp. I was hoping for a little more, but at six dollars a pop, I could have done better. Still, moving on to the fish of the day special, which was quite scrumptious. Pan-seared habilut over roasted yukon gold potatoes, with a baby leaves salad on top and a vinnegarette. Pretty yum. For dessert? The fried cheesecake. Which is as rich as it sounds and twice as fattening. It was served with a banana icecream that was absolutely delicious.

Too late for the Shark Reef, and not in the mood for clubbing, we headed back to the hotel and tried to cheat the system by watching a movie on Netflix.com. We were, however, stomped upon when we realized the hotel's wireless connection is crap. Touche, hotel. Touche.

Resigned to not knowing what would happen to the rest of the mediocre yet oddly compelling 'Love on the Side', we hit the lights out, because we needed to be up and early for our horesbackriding reservations.

So at 7:30Am, we waited in the parking lot of the Circus Circus for our tour bus to come pick us up. While there, we were witness to a terrific car crash between a cabbie and an employee, which lends credence to the idea that it's not just LA people who are terrible ass drivers. Everyone was okay, however, the whole crash-into-the-car-who-makes-a-left-turn-without-looking thing is pretty stupidly cliche. Look where you're going, peeps. We got picked, and along with about fifteen other people, were bussed to Red Rock Canyon, which is an absolutely beautiful bit of desert that not a lot of tourists know about, but should. The last time my friends and I went, we spent a good 3 hours scampering over rocks and marveling at the gorgeous scenery. This time, we were paired with a horse. Because I've become quite the hefty girl, I was paired with a huge ass horsey named Dunny. The cute cowboy was apparently quite surprised that I actually had the flexibility to make it in the stirrups on my own, but little does he know that a) 8 years of martial arts/kick boxing doth a stretchy girl make and b) my version of horse riding is of the Mexican pueblo style, which means you get on and if the horse throws you, you didn't hold on hard enough. Anyway, Dunny and I went our way and away we went, to explore the canyons of Red Rock in a straight line.

Again, the view? was spectacular.

Dunny himself was quite obviously a man's horse, who didn't quite like the lady sitting on his back. He had a mind of his own, but we eventually came to an understanding (that being, he would do whatever the hell he wanted, and I would push and pull a little but eventually let him), and after two hours of riding and pretty scenery my butt was killing me and my horse was hungry.

Still, I love horses. I want one. Even if they're big and smelly and poop a lot.

From there , we had just enough time to make it back to the hotel, nap and then shower and change for our reservations at the Eiffel Tower Restaurant, set in the Eiffel Tower in the Paris hotel. The view, again, was quite spectacular. The enviroment was very foofy, which meant fancy dress and no free refills (bastards). Still, we were able to see the Bellagio water show, and I was treated to an amazing crab salad (the prettiest I've ever eaten), and my first ever chocolate soufle. It was poofy.

Then it was time to hit Zumanity at the New York New York. Not a show to attend with mother, people. First of all? It's a Cique Show, which means of course, it's weird. Add to that? Topless everything. Every acrobatic manuever you can think of? With boobs. And dildos. And a lot of audience participation. Banana fellacio. Topless contortionists. Gorgeous drag queens. And an S&M scene involving choking.

Really quite gorgeous.

Really quite adult.

To sum up, you're typical Cirque show: topless.

Watching them all gave me the explicit urge to go work out.

So I took a nap instead.

Though I did have a salad for lunch today. That's a start, right?

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