Tuesday, January 15, 2008

American Gladiators 103: Powerball is Bad for Your Health

For the females: A bullrider (and amateur soft porn star, if you do the research) versus a fitness model aka mother of twins
For the men: A shark fisherman versus a BadBoyGoneGood Algebra School Teacher.

For the viewers: A blown leg, a nordic bantam weight bellflopping in a pool, and a female ripping through the elimator in exactly two minutes.

New things we've learned from the third episode of the reinvented version of American Gladiators:

1) Powerball, in any form, is bad for your health. That's the second contestant in three episodes who has busted a knee thanks to the rough and tumble liberties the Gladiators take, tossing them around like pancakes.

2) Crush should always, ALWAYS be the joustmaster. Venom had her turn up there and she was in the water both times. Granted, the first time, the bullfighter DQ'd herself by stepping onto Venom's pedastal and pushing her into the water, but still - you know if she did that to Crush, she would have totally pushed back. Also? She only allowed two points in Powerball, unlike, say... Venom.

3) Titan is the greatest KenDoll ever. Encouraging the audience to cheer for the fallen contestant, and being gracious when he got pushed off the jousting platform, he is the ultimate sportsman.

4) The bigger they are; the better that bellyflop. Watching Hellga fly through the air and faceplant into a pool of water when Bullrider lady hit the target made me wince. Ouchies, Hellga. Aim better next time.

5) Stealth is not so stealthy. The best unintentionally funny part of the episode (other than the Humiliator) was Stealth giving Soccermom the 'come here' fingers on the pyramid and then flopping over her and rolling down the mountain, allowing the girl to scramble up top.

6) God's Okay with TrashTalking. Minister Alternate who was obsessed with working out? Hot as hell until he opened his cocky mouth. Shut it, dude.

7) SoccerMom is a beast. Two minutes for the Eliminator? BullRider/Pornstar lady didn't stand a chance. I want a match up between her and previous winner Sienne.

8) Doing the Winner's interview while the Loser keeps attempting to finish the Eliminator? If you're a masochist, and I am: BEST THING EVER.

Next Week:

Is it just me or did we catch a glimpse of Crush stepping on some poor girl's head during Earthquake?


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